Daily Prompt: Quote Me or “What quotation means the most to me – “OUR DEEPEST FEAR” “

Daily Prompt: Quote Me.

At 3:00 AM I was awakened by darkest thoughts about my life and where it was going and why. I found myself thinking about regretful decisions in my life and on, and on and on until I had to ask myself where in the world did these thoughts come from?  Its 3:00 AM, I should be asleep! I was wound up, in turmoil, I needed to simply change my mind.    There was no need for this, well certainly not at 3:00 Am. Then, I remembered a wonderful quote by Marianne Williamson I had hanging up on my bulletin board in my art room. It brought immediate comfort to me and has in the past. I thought it was worth sharing in case there was someone else out there who runs into creative walls, etc.  Nelson Mandela also used this quote in his 1994 inaugural speech.

http://skdesigns.com/internet/articles/quotes/williamson/our_deepest_fear/

http://www.marianne.com/

Our Deepest Fear   by Marianne Williamson  from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are younot to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Mikey Holy Snikey

CAT IN FRONT OF MONITOR

Mikey Holy Snikey, in a year and a half you grew,

You’ve jumped up on my desk again, to block my monitor’s view,

Now, I can’t type my Daily Write, which this night is due,

If I’m to get this done today, there are but hours few,

Daily prompts, weekly prompts, you’ve waited the whole week through,

Freud wrote, “Time spent with a Cat is time well spent”.
Are you trying to give me a clue?

You lift your paw, tilt your head,  seeking my heart to woo.

You want  my lap, for your nap, you feel neglected, don’t you?

OK, OK, I give in, I’ll get a pencil,  let’s get a chair and make due,

So go to sleep, dream on and purr, relax and I will too.

I’ll hand write and scribble and cross things out in blue,

I’ll blog it later, when you give me permission, at the very least, a cue.

Note: I promise I’ll try harder at writing in the future! I just had to get this frustration out regarding my cat,  Mikey Holy Snikey, who is not pictured here,  but this picture is very much like him. He continually jumps up in front of my monitor while I am typing, usually just because he wants attention.  He has a sister, Polly Wolly Doodle, to play with, but she gets impatient with him because he is such a baby.  I thought, when I adopted him from a neighbor, (as a nine week old kitten)  that he was going to be a tough guy (hence the name) because  carrying him home was very difficult.  He really beat the snot out of me all the way across the street.

Island Of Misfit Ornaments

I work in a Second Hand Store that benefits a Senior Citizen Groups Organization.Today we took down all the Christmas decorations that were for sale in the store. Some were absolutely beautiful, some touched the heart and soul bringing back memories of Christmases passed, some were cute and brought a smile as I brought them down from their perch to pack away.

But I had no authority to throw away the ones that as my co-volunteer expressed so aptly, “I wouldn’t give some of these decorations extra closet space”. So let me describe the one that brought the most laughter.

It was a rendition of Rudolf the red nose reindeer coming out of a big Christmas Present box, his legs and feet dangling beneath the box, having his green and red stockings sagging down around his “boots” (?). Candy and ribbon and jingle bells were springing from the box, wrapping around him entangling upward into his antlers, but the big smile on the reindeer’s face expressed Merry Christmas cheer.

So what was so terribly tacky about this ornament that I should call attention to it and question that perhaps it should be thrown away? 1. He was missing his red nose and one eye. 2. An antler was broken. 3. He was missing a leg and 4. the candy and ribbon had already seen better days. Why, he was well…………downright scary (laughably so). Why this orney was scarier than the scratched sequenced, little, dull, green, stuffed felt, googly eyed, gingerbread girl ornament I had already packed away for next year. (Shades of the movie “Nightmare before Christmas”)

I shared a laugh over this resin reindeer nightmare with Ann, another volunteer, who brought it the store manager, whose solution to Rudolph’s indignant display was to simply rip off his other leg. Yes, rip off his other leg and pack him up for next year’s tree display with the other 1,000 or so ornaments. As if we needed this ornament! As if someone might buy this ornament now that it was fixed! I said, “Now that it is fixed.” Ann handed the orney back to me laughing hilariously. Her laughter was catching.

Lost as he might be among all the other ornaments that did not sell, perhaps he’ll find his way to the Island of Misfit Ornaments, or perhaps the store IS the Island of Misfit Ornaments. I did notice a few other ornaments with problems as we continued to bust the store down of Christmas stuff, but I was afraid to ask for any more solutions, lest we rip a few more parts off them and pack ‘em up for next year and I wouldn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Happy New Year
God Bless

Fathomless

GLASSES

When 2012 turned into 2013 I was where I wanted to be, though it was never where I had ever in my younger days thought I’d want to be or thought I’d be grateful to be. I had no idea what “grateful” was then. I only had my plans, what I would achieve, my goals, my objectives, both personal and business. 

Now…..having achieved some assemblage of a spiritual life I am grateful to have come through what were my plans,…. alive….., and that God has been so merciful to have given to me so much more than what I achieved and LOST on my own. I am thankful to be sitting here tonight with a faithful husband of 38 years, who still loves me.  I am thankful we are both healthy, housed in a home that we built 10 years ago with the help of Habitat for Humanity, (the most difficult job I’ve ever done but the most rewarding) when we nearly ended up homeless. 

There have since then been heart wrenching difficulties God has led my family through. This earth is by no means (a) paradise. I know there are yet more difficult jobs ahead. I look back with lots of regrets, relationships lost or strained that I wish were not, decisions I made that I wish I had not. I look forward to the future with hope and prayer.  I hope and pray for my family and friends. I will pray and hope for peace on the earth because he hears us when we pray.

Like the old song says:  “Sweep over my Spirit Forever, I pray, in Fathomless Billows of Love”

I pray for that for each and everyone of you.  

That God would Sweep over our Spirits, Forever, in Fathomless Billows of Love. God’s Peace and Love be with you.

Let Go of the 38 Year Old List.

Could this be us in 20 years?

(When I read this poem over, it reminded me of a Dr. Seuss poem. Its TOO Easy A Read. Today was a day that we discovered, that together we WANT to slow down. We became Old Children)

Wake up, drink that coffee, feed the cats,
make a list, and maybe review,
We’ve Saturday morning errands to do,

Is the TV Off?  Has the heat been lowered?  We stepped outside.
On second thought, did we turn off lights and WHO fed the cats?
Just having zipped up jackets and put on our hats,

But let’s see that hand’s injury you’ve been tending, 
Ah ha! It requires ER mending,
My husband turns to lock the door, his eyes full of pain.
I see a red line heading up the vein,

Our lives balance un-teetered
though that errands list unheeded,
The morning’s wasted (according to him) in Walk-in Care we were seated.

The Saturday errands never did get done.
The afternoon chores went down with the sun.
We napped all afternoon, getting up in time for our fun.

3:00 Coffee, TV for 2 hours, then getting ready for supper to eat.
Back to a regimen, a schedule, a system, plan, a way of life to meet.
Check the computer, Pick up the clutter, get ready for bed and sleep.

Somethings don’t change.

We were tired from yesterdays storm full of snow,
and the change in the morning regimen threw us a blow,
like old children, we slept, and dreamed and let our minds slow,
to wake, to find….where did the day go?

BEHAVING LIKE A PARENT – WHAT NEW BOOK?

Hmmmmm. We got our first snow! 18 inches of it. I haven’t shoveled snow in years. My husband, home from the night shift he just worked, is sleeping, too tired to shovel and a teenager still in bed, says she’ll be up at 10:00 AM to help me.  

Its freezing cold out there so I start at 9:30 getting dressed in my snowpants over my jeans, warm socks, sweater, winter coat, hat and warm gloves and trod up the hallway to my teens bedroom door and pound on it again.  “Come on dear, Up and at ‘em” I say, “Lots of snow out there to deal with and I’ll need your help. Get up, eat breakfast, wake up some more, get dressed, and come out and help me,:   I heard a quick, but faint “Yep” behind the door as I imagined her cuddled in blankets and clothes and all else that might have been piled on her bed last night. “Wake Up”, I shouted again. “Oh yeah, I’m awake”, I heard faintly again; and I chose to believe those listless, weak, disheartened words and dejectedly walked away with the hope every mother of a teenager hopes that this teen will “YES” be there!  Did I mention this is Christmas vacation? Trudging down the hall toward the door I go, dreaming on.

My teen is exactly 16 and I am 58. I was naive, very naive to believe that having a baby at 42 would be without lasting physical trauma.  I forgot that it takes the body more time to heal the older you are and there would be no time to heal because after all you now have this baby to keep after. I did my best. I exercised and tried to keep strong. HA!  Arthritis set in before I knew it and I was aging yet. She keeps me young in other ways, however, just looking after her. Don’t get me wrong, I love her dearly, but at my age, it did me good to take a few classes in Child Development, and raising Teens and read all the books I could on raising children in today’s world.  

Now, after an hour of shoveling snow, that was 18″ deep (at least) with higher drifts, in a windchill of about 10 degrees, you can imagine how well all that Child Development Training and Child Rearing Book Reading did when I came in and found that she was not even up out of bed.  

Child Development What………….?  What Book Reading………….? She’s lucky I left a shovel full of snow outside!  I know the book would have said to keep my voice in calm tones and my emotions at an even keel, but………..but……….Hey!  Well, Hey the words just flew out of my mouth like fire that would have melted the snow in the pathway, the driveway, on the back deck and stairs, the front deck and stairs (as I pounded on her door to get her putooty out of bed). I’ll bet none of them were the motivational words from those books but they were motivational enough to get her out of bed alright and her father who was supposed to be sleeping! I sent him back to bed! Mind you I never used a word to shame her, or called her a name and I never used a curse word, but look, it was only fair, if she was going to make to her Psychologist on time today she was going to have to shovel out the car!

My daughter tells me her psychologist didn’t listen much about how her Mom pounded on her door this morning. Hmmmmmm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Prompt: Immortalized in Stone NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIED

fat buddah

Daily Prompt: Immortalized in Stone.

My personal sculptor is carving a person, thing or event from the last year of my life. What’s the statue of and what makes it so significant?

2012 has been a year of incredible learning for me. I saw one of those sarcastic placards like you see on “facebook” that said “If you want to make God laugh, make a plan.” I know it means that God has a plan for us all, although this placard did not say that very lovingly.

I thought I had a great plan. This year I was going to take my time to teach myself to paint, draw, and paint some more. I would finally take the time to read all the art books I had invested in over twenty years, and finally experiment with all the art tools I had collected. I put everything aside, including my healthful ways. I put aside diet and exercise, and with a medication change to boot, I ended up gaining about 50 lbs or so. YIKES! I hardly recognize myself! My statues going to be quite lumpy.

However, at the end of this year I learned that I didn’t need this medication or several other medications that I had been taking for years. As it turns out, a diagnosis/label, given to me 15 years ago had been changed several times since and is now “NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIED”. So, am I cured? Can this condition be cured? Well, that’s debatable. Do I need that medication, and WHY, if no one has a diagnosis for me? All I know now is that I am now sleeping a regular schedule, feeling well, losing weight, exercising, having no pain, and I am “aging” well.

When the nurse reviewed my file with me, and I heard how many times my diagnosis changed to the final “NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIED” I was dumbfounded. After discussing with another doctor, he explained “It means they don’t know how to diagnose you.” Well………………That’s, that. I’m done. The meds are no longer a part of my life.

I am going to quit being “diagnosis NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIED”.

I am going back 16 years ago to age 42 to when I was just me. I know God brought me down this path to learn what I needed to learn, it just seems so indescribable right now. My “Daily Prompt” sculptor sculpts a statue of a Victorious Woman but not for the battle she attempted to enter; the study of artistic skills for one year, but one much deeper; that of discovering a new human being who walks around with new life skills developed over many years only to be appreciated (by me) this year. She is not “NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIED” ; or any other label, she is “ME”.

Daily Prompt: “Hate to Love” Mind Numbing “Stuff” & “TV” (Saving myself from it)

Daily Prompt: Hate to Love.

I was brought up having some really great stuff in sub-urban, America. And so that we could have more “stuff” my Mom went to work in some pretty nice stores at the mall, so we could get “stuff” at a discount.

As an adult, my husband and I ran and lost a business of 15 years. I mean, right down to having a yard sale at the last minute because all we had left in the fridge was condiments. We lost the house, (and some “stuff” in it because we couldn’t move out fast enough!). YIKES! So,..fortunately (?) we qualified for the housing projects, and I learned about “stuff” in 2nd hand stores. Salvation Army I renamed “Sally’s Boutique” and the local salvage shops I renamed as well, just to be cute when I had to admit that’s where I shopped. (Goodness knows, I didn’t want people to think that’s where I had to shop.) What a snot I was!

I learned it was amazing what people will donate and what I could replace in my life when I needed it. That was key. Only buy what you need. Tools and kitchen appliances (usually were donated brand new) were easily replaced. What I “hate to love”, is my curiosity to see what people will let go of today. I think I have a hidden fear that I could be a hoarder if I let myself. (I question myself, is it curiosity, gluttony or more). Lest I become like those hoarders on those TV shows where people come and help me dig out from under, I sometimes have to resist going to these stores.

Oh ya, that’s the other thing I “hate to love” watching TV. We just gave up Satellite TV for Web TV. Now instead of 300 or so shows we have 3,000. I need to stay writing and drawing/painting, or out of the house to keep my mind from turning to mush. Knowing just that, its not difficult to resist, except when I sit down in front of the OFF TV. TV has become a “hate to love, love to hate” time spender.

I’m glad to be writing. If you read this and your sorry I’m writing, OOps! Sorry. I don’t think things are going to get better in an awful hurry. I’m a blogging newbie, just out for blogging fun, learning from other bloggers. God bless. Keep those “Hate to Love” things in check and Merry Christmas.

Daily Prompt: Forever Young

Daily Prompt: Forever Young.

I had my children late in life, and 10 years apart, at that. It has allowed me to watch each of them grow as “only” children and seeing what they are going through in their own generation, I am glad to be aging out of the worldly world as it is today. The problems of my children’s generation seem to be ever more magnified. Drugs are harder, bullying is more rageful, peer pressure is more extreme. I see for my children that its not just difficult to deal with; sometimes my children have had to physically combat it. Its not like youth can just say “No” and walk away. Both my children have tried and bear the bully’s scars for it. I’ll choose to stay away from that fountain of youth, and live quietly in the background now, humming “Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young’s” “Teach Your Children Well”. I’ll try to keep up with the many ways my children need me to support them including stay out of their way but, be a youth today?…., sheepishly I say “No thank you”.
Perhaps I’ll get to do some art work, write, pound on this keyboard until someone calls me out, be that husband, child or friend. I’ll meet some new people on walks or at meetings or photo shoots. There’s an idea, right there! Should I come upon this “Fountain of Youth” in my aging future, I’ll photograph it, paint a picture of it and I’ll discuss it with someone at some kind of meeting. But, will I drink from it? No.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

Todays Prompt: Pleading the Fifth (What question do I least like to be asked?)

The only question I least like to be asked I think, is the question I ask myself everyday, “What will I create today?” And this new expedition of writing has created an even new avenue for me with new twists and turns and with new paths. Today’s path with its prompt (“What question do I least like to be asked?”) I seemed unwilling to take. Why? Because the question, What will I create today, entails this writing adventure too, prompt and all. It has caused me to look to discover that I least like the question “What will I create today?” . And yet, my creative spirit must create before I put my head on the pillow tonight lest I feel that I have missed the mark of my calling. My studio tools beckon, paints, brushes, pens, pencils, sharps, crayons, chalks, reference books, yarns, strings, ribbons, fabrics, all that I have collected through the years to construct something new out of my imagination. Now, I am trying to pull words out in some form to communicate what I feel I cannot with artistic endeavor, or in unison with an art hopefully. Is there that much time in a day, in a week?

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